Idiosyncracies

There have been NO MORE LIP-SPLITTING ACCIDENTS SINCE MONDAY.
That sound you hear? Me touching lots and lots and lots of wood. Do not giggle.
Yesterday, I saw my counsellor. We discussed Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry and the Very Bad and Worrisome whole Wanting To Hurt My Own Preshus Self thing. Felt, as always, calmed and soothed afterwards. I [...]

Wringing of Hands

Child
Your clear eye is the one absolutely beautiful thing.
I want to fill it with color and ducks,
The zoo of the new
Whose names you meditate -
April snowdrop, Indian pipe,
Little
Stalk without wrinkle,
Pool in which images
Should be grand and classical
Not this troublous
Wringing of hands, this dark
Ceiling without a star.
Sylvia Plath
This post was supposed to be about me climbing sheepishly [...]

Wax Doll

Because life isn’t fucking fair, sweetheart. Because just when the lip that you smashed up Wednesday morning starts to go down a tiny little bit, you get knocked over by the spaniel and fall mouth-first into the chair.

If you’re wondering why his top is relatively free of blood, it’s because it mostly landed on mine. Harry [...]

Assorted Thoughts

I am currently ranked 117th on the Lolcats NomNomNom4Fud game. I am equal parts shamed and proud. Hubby and I are both terrible suckers for annoying little blatblatblat games.
I keep dissolving into tears over the horror that is this. Harry was born the day Baby Peter died, and noticeably resembles him. There’s a special place in hell for [...]

My name is Ann

For those of you who were sucking your teeth after the last post and wondering when karma was going to turn round and bite me on the bum (I was one of them)… you didn’t have a long wait. Except Karma evidently has lousy aim, and hit an innocent bystander instead. Twice.
Firstly, she tripped Harry up [...]

All Relative

At one point this afternoon I was just about ready to beat my own living brains out with a cheap china shepherdess; before I looked down and discovered that I needn’t bother, because they’d actually already dribbled quietly out of my ears.
My mother and I have spent the afternoon visiting my 86 year old paternal grandmother in [...]

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Today, the fires of my personality are dampened. In fact, I’ve seen pissed-on barbeques show more spark than what looked out of the mirror this morning. There was a 30th birthday party next door last night; as it was Harry’s godmother, we felt it best to exclude him completely from the proceedings and enjoy ourselves without him.  I probably judged [...]

Uneasy Lies The Head

I was also thinking about calling this one ’Mucus: Wherefore Art Thou?’ Or ‘I can has frequent blog posting prize?!’
I have the twinging pain. In the lazy ovary, too. The one attached to the good* uterus!
I have the LH surge**:

I have the spots:
(Photo taken but too featuring far too many un-plucked, un-waxed and un-bleached hairs to publish)
But [...]

Mizzle

It’s mizzling outside. I loathe mizzle. I have a grudge against mizzle.
Mizzle, despite the application of an entire can of hairspray, turned this:

 and this:

into, firstly, an unattractive collection of assorted rats’ tails:

and then sent it… critical.
Avert your gaze from the unflattering and demonic (I have no eyes! Where are my eyes?!) expression, and cast your pitying looks over the lank and untidy mop [...]

Owamya?

We deviate from our standard schedule of Toddler, Assorted Animals and Two Uteri in order to bring you…
How to Speak Brummie!
The fabulous and talented Laura was puzzled by yesterday’s reference to my alleged Brummie outlook. I have previously tried to explain to visitors to this shore the huge disparity between BBC English (received pronunciation) and all the UK’s regional accents. I [...]