All Hallows Eve

Dear me! It’s all so very American! The costumes! The pumpkins! The economy-size tubs of sweets! The legalised thuggery! When I was a kid Mum occasionally used to make toffee apples that’d take your fillings out, and I’d mess about with a bucket of water and an apple. One year I had a witches hat, and I was quite pathetically [...]

Channeling Something

Last night, I sat down with a big drink, a pumpkin, a picture of a scary pumpkin face, and a sharp knife. Hubby came and sneered at my picture, as Hubbies unfortunately sometimes do, implying that my attempts would fall well short of the awesome pumpkin-scary I was using as inspiration. I offered to chuck the photo and use him instead, but he [...]

Yampy

I saw my counsellor on Friday morning. I can’t quite recall if I began seeing her before or after my second miscarriage – my memory of those long months is unreliable – but I can remember that I only rang her for an appointment after I had spent an entire weekend sat in our bedroom, [...]

Moans & Groans

My period took pity on me yesterday morning, and finally arrived. I think one more day of the searing Pre-Menstrual Torment would have spelled Doom for some poor unlucky soul. Dear God, I’ve been soggy. I’ve had the hormone weepies, the new-baby weepies, the OMG-our-child-will-be-a-DWARF! weepies, the OMG-our-child-will-STARVE-TO-DEATH-SOON weepies, the why-won’t-he-talk weepies, the unsalvageable-and-expensive-washing-machine-colour-run-incident weepies, the why-am-I-soaked-in-vomit-AGAIN [...]

First night of your life, curled up on your own

Hubby’s cousin had a little boy on Wednesday. I have been eagerly awaiting the birth, as the fate of several hundred tons of Harry’s clothes depended upon this new family member having a willy. Score! We waved the incipient parents off gleefully a couple of weeks ago, having cheerfully – and mercilessly – shoehorned a baby gym, baby bouncer, baby bath, [...]

I am innocent, M’lud

OK. So you remember me going down with the screaming shits ‘n’ sickness, yes? And that I had narrowed down the culprit to a mother of the visiting Piddle of babies? Well, I discovered today that 3 other mothers also succumbed to the Nausea Nasty that dreadful Friday night – but it didn’t go round their families like [...]

BFN

I appear not to be pregnant. I have never seen a whiter window on a peestick, in fact.
Primary emotion? Relief.
Secondary emotion? Vaguely peeved, really.
Tertiary emotion? A little wistful. But only a little. I simply couldn’t cope with (what would be my 5th) pregnancy currently.
The child I already have, thank you, God is once again refusing his nosebag, losing weight - and does [...]

I can has skankburger?

The Mop has descended upon Stratford-Upon-Avon. It’s been turning up yearly since, umm, about Edward III’s time, so you’d think it wouldn’t take me by surprise any longer. But every year I tootle happily around the street corner – oblivious to the signs – and run right up against a carousel with those macabre and wild-eyed wooden [...]

Too Tired to Think of a Title

Re-hydration has finally been achieved in Hairy Farmer Household. We are all officially, as from midday today, free from nausea. Hurrah! Harry’s euphoria was unfortunately short lived, as he came down with runny snots and a hacking cough yesterday morning – and I have just had a phone call from the mother of one of his [...]

Dire Rear 2

Hairy Farmer Family have been Sick. Both in the British and American senses of the word. This post is All About Sick. You have been warned, although, uncharacteristically, I have taken no photos of it.
Whilst under occupation from a Piddle of visiting babies on Thursday afternoon, I did vaguely hear, in between scurrying to the kitchen [...]